I’ve always been fairly optomistic, full of hope about the future. A real sky’s-the-limit kind of gal. The sky may be the limit, but there are plenty of hurdles and obstacles all the way up. For me as a military spouse, one of the biggest obstacles is that the work of starting over is never done. I’m barely settled from the last move. I’m just starting to flow with my job and feeling known and loved by the friends I worked so hard to find. My community is just now feeling familiar and home-like, and it’s time to go.
It’s hard on the heart to keep starting over, to endure the separations, to give up a lot of choice as a family. It can feel like a constant vulnerability hangover.
I have to be intentional in protecting my heart from being hardened by the ups and downs that come with every move, every loss of community, every house and job search, every good-bye, and from watching my kids struggle with those same losses.
The dangers of a hardened heart are high. Bitterness towards the people you love, which brings hurt and division into your home. Doubt of God’s goodness, which can leave you feeling hopeless, lost, and angry. Skepticism towards people in general, which puts up so many barriers to friendships and leaves you lonely and missing the connections you need to thrive.
However, the gifts of a tender heart are immense: peace, increased faith, hopefulness, forgiveness, and healing, just to name a few.
Here are a few ways we can keep our hearts open and tender, to allow God’s Spirit to minister to the hurts and disappointments we’re bound to endure in this military life.
1.) Practice gratitude. Naming and thanking God for the beauty around us is powerful. I’ve started keeping a running list of the day’s gifts on an app in my phone. This practice has helped me to notice even more goodness, and my heart keeps leaning towards hope.
2.) Stay connected. As tempting as it might be to hide away from the world during my struggles, I’ve always found that efforts to connect with a friend, even if she is only accesible by text, goes a long way in keeping me from building walls around my heart. We were created for connection.
3.) Serve. One of the most life-giving things I’ve done with my kids was serving with a local food distribution organization that helped military families struggling to make it from one payday to the next. It was impossible for my heart to hang on to bitterness and anger as we placed boxes of food into the hundred plus cars lined up for blocks and witnessed the relief and thankfulness of those precious families.
4.) Honor your body. Everything you experience in life happens in and through the wonderfully and fearfully knit-together body God placed you in. She needs good food, rest, lots of oxygen, and movement, among other things. When I find my heart hardening, taking a quick inventory of my body’s needs often has a direct effect on my heart. Sometimes a snack, a nap, deep breaths, or a little walk around the neighborhood are just what my heart and body need to tip the scales towards peace. (Also, sometimes honoring your body means seeing a doctor and taking meds.)
5.) Seek God. Sometimes seeking God looks like practicing gratidude, reaching out to a friend, serving others, and honoring your body. He holds all things together and is always with you. But sometimes seeking God looks like the spiritual disciplines of prayer and Bible study. Those are so important in order to align us to God’s will and to help us know Him better. We learn how to live godly lives and cling to His promises. We have vast treasures at our fingertips, like Philipians 4:6-7, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Threre is such hope, joy, and peace to be found in practicing the presence of God while you walk along the way of this life. We can trust Him to protect our vulnerable hearts.